When Your Mind Feels Heavy: What I’ve Learned About Depression, Healing, and God

Sometimes it’s spiritual. Sometimes it’s physical. Sometimes it’s both. And God cares about all of it.

Depression is one of those things that’s really hard to explain unless you’ve lived it.

And I have.

For the better part of my life.

So I want to talk to you about it… just from my heart.

Not as a doctor.
Not as someone who has it all figured out.

But as someone who has walked through it… and someone who has had to learn how to walk through it with God.

First of all… if you struggle with this, you’re not alone

Whether it’s something cyclical for you… or you’re just in a season where you feel off… this applies.

Because depression doesn’t always look the same.

Sometimes you have a reason.
Sometimes you don’t.

Sometimes you wake up and you’re just… down.

And if we’re being honest… sometimes it makes you question everything. Even God.

For me, it started early

I’ve shared parts of my story before, but a lot of this goes back to my teenage years.

I dealt with a lot of insecurity, self-hatred, feeling different… and it created patterns in my thinking that followed me for years.

And even now, if I’m not careful, those patterns will try to come back.

Not always loud.

Just subtle thoughts like:

• you’re not enough
• you don’t measure up
• something’s wrong with you

And if you let those sit long enough… they start to feel true.

But here’s what God started showing me

Those thoughts aren’t neutral.

They’re not just “bad days.”

They’re rooted in something.

And a lot of the time… they’re rooted in lies.

This is something I talk about a lot in my book, Choosing Better… you can get a copy here https://a.co/d/02hc4qc3

We don’t just live out our lives. We live out what we believe.

And if what we believe is off—even slightly—it will affect how we see ourselves, how we see God, and how we live.

But here’s where I think we get it wrong

In the church especially… we tend to make depression either completely spiritual or completely physical.

But what I’ve learned is that sometimes it’s both.

There were seasons where mine was spiritual.

Where I was believing things about God that weren’t true.

Things like:

• maybe He’s holding out on me
• maybe this is all my life will ever be
• maybe He’s not really going to come through

And I didn’t always say those things out loud… but they were there. And they created distance between me and Him.

But there were also times it was physical.

And this one humbled me a little bit.

Because I could literally tell: if I ate junk… I felt worse.

I would feel heavy, hopeless, discouraged.

And I would immediately think it was spiritual… when sometimes, it was my body needing better care.

God cares about your spirit. But He also created your body. And sometimes healing looks like renewing your mind and taking care of your body.

So I started making small changes

Nothing extreme.

Just being more aware.

• what I was eating
• what I was thinking
• what I was believing

And one of the simplest things I started doing… was slowing down long enough to just sit with the Lord.

And honestly? Sometimes that looked like making tea.

And for me… it became a moment with God.

Not a ritual. Not a rule.

Just a moment to be still, breathe, and talk to Him honestly.

Because sometimes I didn’t have big prayers.

I just had:

God… I don’t feel okay.

And that’s enough.

You don’t have to show up perfect. You just have to show up.

Sometimes you need more than just trying harder

And I want to say this clearly:

There is no shame in counseling, getting help, or even medication if needed.

God uses people. God uses wisdom. God uses process.

But don’t ignore the root.

Because underneath a lot of this… are beliefs that don’t line up with truth.

And if we don’t deal with that… we keep circling the same place.

That’s what Choosing Better is really about

It’s not about perfection.

It’s about learning to recognize the lies, come back to truth, and choose differently.

One thought at a time. With God.

If you’re in a heavy place right now

You’re not alone.

And you’re not too far gone.

God hasn’t left you.

Even if it feels quiet.

Start small:

• talk to Him honestly
• take care of your body
• reach out to someone
• slow down for a few minutes

And if you want to go deeper

I talk more about this in my podcast episode: The Low Down on Depression

https://grace-grit.castos.com/episodes/the-low-down-on-depression

Sometimes healing doesn’t come all at once.

Sometimes it comes in small moments… where you tell the truth, come back to God, and choose something better again.